Went to church this morning.
It was one of those mornings where we sat and talked. One woman was playing solitaire. A couple of people smoked. We all drank coffee.
We had some really good conversation.
Like about how little affordable housing there is in our area. Like how that situation lets landlords disregard the laws that are on the books, because they know they've got you on a short leash.
Like getting escorted out of a major retailer because you somehow just don't look right and you're probably there to steal something, even though you have cash in your pocket and came in expressly to get something in particular.
Like having your own beliefs and ways of expressing them, and refusing to sit through a sermon while some guy tells you what to think and how to behave.
Like getting hit on by a lesbian in a local bar. Like having your date hit on by a lesbian in a local bar. Like gay marriage. Like how we should respect each other's rights and treat each other the way we'd want to be treated.
Like how everybody's had a bad month for some reason and nobody gets paid until Thursday. I bought $1.30 in Canadian Tire money from a guy who was hoping to save it up for a tire for his bike, but has run out of cigarette papers.
After a while my cell rang and I had to go pick up my kids from their church, so I excused myself, painfully aware that there had been no scripture read, no songs sung and no prayers prayed.
As I headed out the door, one guy said, "Thanks for coming to church." I kind of shrugged and said, "Or whatever." He said, "Hey. It worked."
This afternoon I talked to a friend who had been to the local church I used to be involved with. They're in the middle of a building program. The service this morning was entirely taken up with a very creative and interesting sell on the building program. They'd obviously put lots of thought into it, and it was engaging and well planned.
But my friend said that, in the entire service, there wasn't one single reading of scripture, no teaching, no God centered content at all. It was all about who we are and what we've done and what we're going to build and how much money we've given to build it. My friend said that it was a bit of a waste of the morning.
I said, "So basically, they wasted the morning, but they did it very well."
I do get discouraged by my own church. It so seldom lives up to my vision. I have a hard time thinking of sitting around trading lesbian stories as 'church'.
Part of it is that I know how awesome the truth of Christ is that I just want to share it, but I'm held back by the culture I'm living in and by the history of bombasticism that goes along with "the gospel" in this corner of the world. I don't want to be that person.
So I struggle with where to draw the line. How to step up without stepping on toes. Sometimes I think I'd be better to go back to what I was doing before.
But then I hear my friend's story and I realize that what I'm doing is so much more... I don't know. It's just so much more.
I could never go back. I'm just not sure how to go forward.
r
It was one of those mornings where we sat and talked. One woman was playing solitaire. A couple of people smoked. We all drank coffee.
We had some really good conversation.
Like about how little affordable housing there is in our area. Like how that situation lets landlords disregard the laws that are on the books, because they know they've got you on a short leash.
Like getting escorted out of a major retailer because you somehow just don't look right and you're probably there to steal something, even though you have cash in your pocket and came in expressly to get something in particular.
Like having your own beliefs and ways of expressing them, and refusing to sit through a sermon while some guy tells you what to think and how to behave.
Like getting hit on by a lesbian in a local bar. Like having your date hit on by a lesbian in a local bar. Like gay marriage. Like how we should respect each other's rights and treat each other the way we'd want to be treated.
Like how everybody's had a bad month for some reason and nobody gets paid until Thursday. I bought $1.30 in Canadian Tire money from a guy who was hoping to save it up for a tire for his bike, but has run out of cigarette papers.
After a while my cell rang and I had to go pick up my kids from their church, so I excused myself, painfully aware that there had been no scripture read, no songs sung and no prayers prayed.
As I headed out the door, one guy said, "Thanks for coming to church." I kind of shrugged and said, "Or whatever." He said, "Hey. It worked."
This afternoon I talked to a friend who had been to the local church I used to be involved with. They're in the middle of a building program. The service this morning was entirely taken up with a very creative and interesting sell on the building program. They'd obviously put lots of thought into it, and it was engaging and well planned.
But my friend said that, in the entire service, there wasn't one single reading of scripture, no teaching, no God centered content at all. It was all about who we are and what we've done and what we're going to build and how much money we've given to build it. My friend said that it was a bit of a waste of the morning.
I said, "So basically, they wasted the morning, but they did it very well."
I do get discouraged by my own church. It so seldom lives up to my vision. I have a hard time thinking of sitting around trading lesbian stories as 'church'.
Part of it is that I know how awesome the truth of Christ is that I just want to share it, but I'm held back by the culture I'm living in and by the history of bombasticism that goes along with "the gospel" in this corner of the world. I don't want to be that person.
So I struggle with where to draw the line. How to step up without stepping on toes. Sometimes I think I'd be better to go back to what I was doing before.
But then I hear my friend's story and I realize that what I'm doing is so much more... I don't know. It's just so much more.
I could never go back. I'm just not sure how to go forward.
r
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