Being on the fringes of 'respectable society', we're finding that we need to constantly re-assess what has been just a rule (and therefore conditional and negotiable) and what is a principle (non-negotiable).
What do we not do because we've been told not to or because somebody might see us and get the 'wrong impression', and what do we not do because it's actually wrong?
We've decided that it's ok if we swear occasionally, laugh at dirty jokes, don't report things we sometimes wish we didn't know or cheat at cards as long as everybody knows you're doing it. It's not ok to break a promise, lie, betray a confidence or belittle people.
But there are grey areas, mostly spilling out of how we were raised or taught in Sunday school. So recently, we were grateful to E. for sorting out one such dilemma on our behalf.
She decided on her own and told people at the Motel that we'd be glad to give them rides to the Food Bank, or the drugstore, the grocery store or whatever, but that we'd only take them to the beer store to return their empties, not to re-stock. Which is a cool thing. It's cool that she feels comfortable drawing boundaries for us. Thanks, mom.
Not that most of us are above tippling, but we know what drinking does to some of our friends and it's not something we're comfortable being implicit in. On principle, because many are hurt by their drinking - family and friendships, health and jobs - and then beat up on themselves.
We don't want to contribute to that, so we've adopted E.'s guideline as wise.
However, E. has since extrapolated from that original point on the page. The other day, she couldn't get out and asked one team member to return her empties for her. OK. And cash in her lottery ticket. O- kay. And since he'd be at the store anyway, pick her up a pack of smokes. Ooo-kaaaay.
He said that he'd never done any of those things. In one fell swoop, he'd stepped into a life of drinking, smoking and gambling. And that if she'd only given him "20 bucks for a hooker", he could have checked off the whole list.
Maybe we'll take up a collection at Dinner.
OK, probably not.
r
What do we not do because we've been told not to or because somebody might see us and get the 'wrong impression', and what do we not do because it's actually wrong?
We've decided that it's ok if we swear occasionally, laugh at dirty jokes, don't report things we sometimes wish we didn't know or cheat at cards as long as everybody knows you're doing it. It's not ok to break a promise, lie, betray a confidence or belittle people.
But there are grey areas, mostly spilling out of how we were raised or taught in Sunday school. So recently, we were grateful to E. for sorting out one such dilemma on our behalf.
She decided on her own and told people at the Motel that we'd be glad to give them rides to the Food Bank, or the drugstore, the grocery store or whatever, but that we'd only take them to the beer store to return their empties, not to re-stock. Which is a cool thing. It's cool that she feels comfortable drawing boundaries for us. Thanks, mom.
Not that most of us are above tippling, but we know what drinking does to some of our friends and it's not something we're comfortable being implicit in. On principle, because many are hurt by their drinking - family and friendships, health and jobs - and then beat up on themselves.
We don't want to contribute to that, so we've adopted E.'s guideline as wise.
However, E. has since extrapolated from that original point on the page. The other day, she couldn't get out and asked one team member to return her empties for her. OK. And cash in her lottery ticket. O- kay. And since he'd be at the store anyway, pick her up a pack of smokes. Ooo-kaaaay.
He said that he'd never done any of those things. In one fell swoop, he'd stepped into a life of drinking, smoking and gambling. And that if she'd only given him "20 bucks for a hooker", he could have checked off the whole list.
Maybe we'll take up a collection at Dinner.
OK, probably not.
r
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