We were wishing we'd counted heads last night. Long, long lineup, a number of new faces, people who don't live at the Motel.
When I walked in, SW was there, playing the piano, filling out the conversations that had started already.
One group had set a table for themselves, with plastic knives and forks and spoons, styro cups and plates, and a candle. 6 of them sat chatting, waiting for the meal to start. Lovely. Homey.
Spaghetti dinner. We don't do a lot of pasta meals because people get lots of that from the food bank - noodles and canned sauce. But ours was homemade and meaty with lots of veggies. I pre-heated a huge pot of water at home and took it over there to put on the stove so S. could cook the noodles. Pre-heating seemed like a good idea since the stove there takes a long time to do anything. I also brought a huge caesar salad.
Which means my contribution last night was boiling water and lettuce. Have I got mad skills, or what?
After Dinner, there was a first. I got roped in to playing euchre. There's a regular game every week including trash talk and what may or may not be cheating.
But this week they were a hand short, so I got drafted. I've never played before and still don't know how. This is because D., the electrician and local euchre guru, sat behind me and told me what to do. Think Edgar Bergen and Charlie McArthy. He'd tell me to say, "Pass." I'd say, "Pass." He'd tell me to put down that one. I'd put down that one. He'd tell me to pick up that one. I'd pick it up. He'd lean in close and whisper strategies in my ear. He'd reach around from behind me and grab my hand, angling it so E. couldn't see my cards, or to sort them by suit. He'd been drinking but he was still way sharper than I was. I was very aware of the fact that, not that long ago, I'd have been very uncomfortable doing this. But that was then.
In the end, I think we won. And I think I know what a bower is. Approximately.
We found out this week that a couple who joined us recently will be heading out with a service organization to Cambodia. They may not be back for a year or two. I'm not sure how long, but we're sorry to see them go. Glad for them, though. One is a nurse and a midwife, the other a dental hygienist, and those skills have opened the door for them. I can't imagine what it will be like to be a Jesus follower in Buddhist country. Quite an adventure.
One guy has stepped back from the planning part, but will still be coming to Dinner. He's built friendships with a couple of guys and wants to continue that, but doesn't want to go to meetings. Which is cool.
But part of the reason for this flows from conflict in the core team.
We're a fairly diverse bunch, as far as our experiences of 'church', and that can cause friction. Some of us have healthy happy roots in the organized church, and some of us have walked away from it because things haven't gone well.
But we all believe that to do what we're doing is to follow Christ's example.
As a group, we've struggled with the easiness of tarring numbers of people with the same brush, whether they deserve it or not. It's so easy to talk about 'church people' in a dismissive or judging tone, not remembering that there is one literally rubbing elbows with you who doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the ones who fairly could be criticized.
We've also struggled with that thing where you're sitting across the table from someone and they say something you disagree with or take offense with. Ideally, you'd speak up and respectfully address the difference, but what usually happens in church meetings (and probably other groups) is that you bite your tongue until you get home and you vent on the nearest pair of ears. Or you hold it close and get angrier and angrier.
And, apparently, the way we function is enough of a departure from the usual way of doing things to be a challenge. There's been a lot for us to learn. About hierarchical leadership vs. flat leadership. About what unity is and isn't. About why we do what we do and don't what we don't.
It's been suggested that some of that learning is necessary because this is a group founded and led primarily by women which creates a distinctive type of structure. That women are more collaborative, more intuitive, and less prone to "white guy" syndrome. We don't need to have a "white guy" and we don't need to be the "white guy".
Which is an interesting idea (and a whole other post).
But it all came to a head this past week. People got upset. E-mails were sent, conversations were had. Unity took a hit, a trench was dug and we've had to start working through some pain.
I keep wishing I'd gone to school to learn some of this stuff. Knowing full well that there isn't one.
It would be nice if somebody were entirely right and somebody else entirely wrong. But no such luck.
Being part of this group has meant the world to me. Seeing us grow and stretch and learn and teach each other. Seeing us deepen and strengthen and become what we're becoming. Seeing us build, down and out.
But the honeymoon, if there ever was one, is over. The ways in which we've responded to this recent conflict say much about us, and will shape how we respond to each other in the future.
So far, I think we're doing alright. Things aren't going to go back to "normal" any time soon, but we're talking and thinking and prioritizing in good and necessary ways.
And, God willing, we'll walk on from here knowing better who we are and who we want to be.
r
When I walked in, SW was there, playing the piano, filling out the conversations that had started already.
One group had set a table for themselves, with plastic knives and forks and spoons, styro cups and plates, and a candle. 6 of them sat chatting, waiting for the meal to start. Lovely. Homey.
Spaghetti dinner. We don't do a lot of pasta meals because people get lots of that from the food bank - noodles and canned sauce. But ours was homemade and meaty with lots of veggies. I pre-heated a huge pot of water at home and took it over there to put on the stove so S. could cook the noodles. Pre-heating seemed like a good idea since the stove there takes a long time to do anything. I also brought a huge caesar salad.
Which means my contribution last night was boiling water and lettuce. Have I got mad skills, or what?
After Dinner, there was a first. I got roped in to playing euchre. There's a regular game every week including trash talk and what may or may not be cheating.
But this week they were a hand short, so I got drafted. I've never played before and still don't know how. This is because D., the electrician and local euchre guru, sat behind me and told me what to do. Think Edgar Bergen and Charlie McArthy. He'd tell me to say, "Pass." I'd say, "Pass." He'd tell me to put down that one. I'd put down that one. He'd tell me to pick up that one. I'd pick it up. He'd lean in close and whisper strategies in my ear. He'd reach around from behind me and grab my hand, angling it so E. couldn't see my cards, or to sort them by suit. He'd been drinking but he was still way sharper than I was. I was very aware of the fact that, not that long ago, I'd have been very uncomfortable doing this. But that was then.
In the end, I think we won. And I think I know what a bower is. Approximately.
We found out this week that a couple who joined us recently will be heading out with a service organization to Cambodia. They may not be back for a year or two. I'm not sure how long, but we're sorry to see them go. Glad for them, though. One is a nurse and a midwife, the other a dental hygienist, and those skills have opened the door for them. I can't imagine what it will be like to be a Jesus follower in Buddhist country. Quite an adventure.
One guy has stepped back from the planning part, but will still be coming to Dinner. He's built friendships with a couple of guys and wants to continue that, but doesn't want to go to meetings. Which is cool.
But part of the reason for this flows from conflict in the core team.
We're a fairly diverse bunch, as far as our experiences of 'church', and that can cause friction. Some of us have healthy happy roots in the organized church, and some of us have walked away from it because things haven't gone well.
But we all believe that to do what we're doing is to follow Christ's example.
As a group, we've struggled with the easiness of tarring numbers of people with the same brush, whether they deserve it or not. It's so easy to talk about 'church people' in a dismissive or judging tone, not remembering that there is one literally rubbing elbows with you who doesn't deserve to be lumped in with the ones who fairly could be criticized.
We've also struggled with that thing where you're sitting across the table from someone and they say something you disagree with or take offense with. Ideally, you'd speak up and respectfully address the difference, but what usually happens in church meetings (and probably other groups) is that you bite your tongue until you get home and you vent on the nearest pair of ears. Or you hold it close and get angrier and angrier.
And, apparently, the way we function is enough of a departure from the usual way of doing things to be a challenge. There's been a lot for us to learn. About hierarchical leadership vs. flat leadership. About what unity is and isn't. About why we do what we do and don't what we don't.
It's been suggested that some of that learning is necessary because this is a group founded and led primarily by women which creates a distinctive type of structure. That women are more collaborative, more intuitive, and less prone to "white guy" syndrome. We don't need to have a "white guy" and we don't need to be the "white guy".
Which is an interesting idea (and a whole other post).
But it all came to a head this past week. People got upset. E-mails were sent, conversations were had. Unity took a hit, a trench was dug and we've had to start working through some pain.
I keep wishing I'd gone to school to learn some of this stuff. Knowing full well that there isn't one.
It would be nice if somebody were entirely right and somebody else entirely wrong. But no such luck.
Being part of this group has meant the world to me. Seeing us grow and stretch and learn and teach each other. Seeing us deepen and strengthen and become what we're becoming. Seeing us build, down and out.
But the honeymoon, if there ever was one, is over. The ways in which we've responded to this recent conflict say much about us, and will shape how we respond to each other in the future.
So far, I think we're doing alright. Things aren't going to go back to "normal" any time soon, but we're talking and thinking and prioritizing in good and necessary ways.
And, God willing, we'll walk on from here knowing better who we are and who we want to be.
r
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