Last night I was trolling back through the photos from the earliest days at the Motel. Remembering those stories, those faces, those hearts. A lifetime ago, but just yesterday.
Remembering the days when so-and-so invited me to his AA meeting, to witness his one-year medallion ceremony. Remembering him saying he couldn't have done it without "Ruth and all you Ruths."
Oh my heart.
This blog is approaching its 200th post. Is that a benchmark of success? Someone told me once that if you keep doing something long enough you eventually feel successful.
It would be nice to be able to point to things I've built, things my name is on. Those things seem more credible. People notice those things. Someone told me once that they hadn't nominated me for a local recognition of community volunteers because, "You wouldn't want that, would you?" Oh. Ok. Apparently not.
But it's not that simple. Below
is a re-post of a quote from the early days of this blog. A 'note-to-self' that I still need from time to time.
More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence.
Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress.
But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them. - Henri Nouwen
I read that now, and I remember a season when I was taken up with meetings and conferences. They seemed necessary at the time. But they weren't good for me, and I walked away. Maybe more on that sometime.
Today, 2 decades in, my name isn't on any plaques or trophies. Rather, I'm hoping to (not soon) end this ministry knowing that my name is embossed like a watermark on a few hearts. On a few one-year ceremonies. In a few fallible memories. "Hey, remember that woman... what was her name again? She made a difference for me."
I've never had much of a budget. Never done any fundraising. Never put on a show. Never been very good at promoting myself or what I do. Whatever that is, exactly. Ask Henri.
But I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I think I'll do something special for that 200th post. Share some pictures from those wonderful days. Tell that story in more detail than I have before.
Looking forward to that :-)
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